Welcome to My Corner of the World

I hope you find humor, inspiration and something worthwhile on this blog. I plan to be as candid as possible. Life is hard. I know, I've overcome a lot (and still have a way to go).
It doesn't help others if the rough things are glossed over.

I will no doubt fill this blog with stories of my achievements as a mom as well as my personal struggles.

I have an incredible husband whom I call "my sanity." I have two great kids with strong personalities. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I have had a colorful childhood.

I also have an addiction to Gilmore Girls, A&W Cream Soda, and Starbucks peppermint mocha.
I have recently added biking to my list of hobbies and also love to read, knit, and play tennis.

Welcome to my little corner of the world!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Why not?

  Yesterday was a great day!  The main reason it was so great is that I have tapped into my well of creativity.  I have always loved to write, but I stuck to non-fiction.  I loved journalism and the idea of making a difference in some one's life through an article I had written.  Within the past year or two I began to entertain the idea of writing a young-adult fiction (YAF) book.  Talk about stepping way out of my box!  My book was going to be based on these insane stories my grandmother told me when I was a kid.  So, I began to write.
  I love to read YAF and have noticed that one thing that makes the good books good is that they're based on "truths" (mythology, folklore, etc.).  So I began to research my topic and realized that Grandma's stories were going to have to change in order for the book to be what I wanted it to be.  That's how it started, and then next thing I knew, the story became mine!  Grandma's stories served as a great inspiration, but the book now has little to do with what she told me.
  I feel so liberated!  Who knew I had the ability to create a YAF story?  I certainly didn't think I had it in me.  The reason I was going to base it on Grandma's stories was that I was sure I couldn't create my own.  I had a very small, comfy box that I liked.  Unfortunately fear and doubt weren't making much room for me in that box.  Now that I took the first step (rather unintentionally) in making my book mine I feel like I can really write and it feels great.
  I am currently reading a book about a woman who lost her identity through her roles as a wife and mother and she is now struggling to rediscover who she was and wants to be.
  I certainly don't feel like I have ever lost my identity--I love who I am.  I do, however, think that through the negative thinking that comes with depression and even anxiety, I severely limited myself in who I could become.
  Before, my life was full of "I'd sure love to...but I can't/I'm too scared/that's just not my kind of thing" thoughts. 
  Sure I tend to be timid, but lately I've been saying "why not?" instead of "I can't."  As a result, I now go mountain biking (albeit, on the easier kinds of trails--but I'm mountain biking!).  A year ago I walked the trails that my husband would bike and I'd look at the uneven paths, rocks, creeks, etc. and think "how is this fun?  I could never do that!" and then one day I thought "why not?" and I went for it!  So what if I'd had to walk my bike and people saw me?  So what if I fell?
  Just like with my book, sure I'd love for it to be a best seller, but if it's not that's ok.  I want to be able to say "I went for it!"  It's funny because I'll go back and read articles I wrote for journalism classes over the years, and even previous chapters in my book and I'll think "wow, that's good!  I wrote that?" and it's obvious that I've spent a good 10 years if not more selling myself short.
  So, today started out draggy and I felt extremely fatigued--but simply thinking about my book and being able to look forward to working on it later today gives me the drive I need to get things done.
  It's tempting to look at the massive pile of laundry that's been waiting days to be put away and think "I can't do this" and then go sit at the computer because I barely have the energy to keep my eyes open and stay awake.
  Today I'm determined to look at that ridiculous pile of laundry and say "I can do this!" and get it done!
  God wouldn't have created me to be a homemaker if I couldn't do it successfully.  That's something I'll have to remind myself of a LOT in the weeks to come--but eventually it'll be something that I won't have to make an effort to do.  It'll come naturally.


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