Welcome to My Corner of the World

I hope you find humor, inspiration and something worthwhile on this blog. I plan to be as candid as possible. Life is hard. I know, I've overcome a lot (and still have a way to go).
It doesn't help others if the rough things are glossed over.

I will no doubt fill this blog with stories of my achievements as a mom as well as my personal struggles.

I have an incredible husband whom I call "my sanity." I have two great kids with strong personalities. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I have had a colorful childhood.

I also have an addiction to Gilmore Girls, A&W Cream Soda, and Starbucks peppermint mocha.
I have recently added biking to my list of hobbies and also love to read, knit, and play tennis.

Welcome to my little corner of the world!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


 The hardest thing for me lately is learning how to deal with Bug.  Recently he's just been such a boy.  I just don't know what to do with that.  I was an only child, my two cousins (whom I was close to) were both girls, my best friends growing up were girls...I didn't realize what a girly girl I am.  I don't do the frilly, super fancy, high-maintenance stuff--but I'm learning I'm girlier than I thought.
  Bug loves to play in the dirt and sand and make messes.  He loves to get under my skin and A's too.  I frequently hear A squealing and hollering at Bug because he's, well, bugging her and it's not uncommon for me to go see what the fuss is and find him wearing the biggest grin!
  Lately he's not been listening well and doing almost everything he knows he shouldn't and my patience for it is beginning to wax thin!
  I've talked to my best friend and I'm coming to the hard realization that I'm going to have to be more productive at home so I can get Bug out of the house and give him chances to be a boy without getting into trouble.  Unfortunately that goes against my nature.  I like to be home.  It stresses me out to be gone a lot.  I haven't found a good routine that allows me to get my chores done and spend a chunk of the day out.  Keep in mind that a "chunk" to me would be an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon.  In the grand scheme of things it's not much time, but to me it makes a huge difference.  My morning is spent getting us all ready and things picked up and then it's snack time and then it seems like time gets away from me and before I know it, it's time for lunch.  Shortly after lunch we have rest time and since my kids sleep late, there's not much time before I need to start getting dinner ready.
  It's been especially hard the past few weeks when I take the time to go somewhere and do something, intending to accomplish a lot when we get home but  once we get there Bug still requires a lot of my attention.  I feel like I accomplish nothing.
  I find myself back in the middle of the battle I've been fighting for years: finding balance! 
  I've said this time and time again, but I'd really love it if I didn't require so much sleep!  I read friends' statuses on facebook and it's annoying to read about mommies who stay up late and get up early and don't nap when their kids do, and they accomplish about 6 times what I get done in a day.  My MIL has told stories about staying up all night in order to get housework done, or to sew some clothes for the kids or to do homework once she went back to school.  I used to compare myself to her and get so mad when I could barely stay up until midnight and then had no energy the next day.
  Now I realize that I can't be that person.  I tried and it was counter-productive. 
  I suppose I will have to try to tweak things some more and see what happens.  My routine, my expectations and my priorities are all things I'll work on changing a bit in the weeks ahead.
  Here's hoping I get something figured out before I get too stressed out!


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Anxiety strikes again...

  That's about how I feel now.
  I knew my daughter was ready for preschool, but I didn't realize that the dynamic of my day was going to change so much.
  This week has just been a stressful one anyway and the changes that preschool added to life just got tossed on top of the massive pile known as "this week." 
  Hubby has been under a bit of stress and while I wish there was something I could do to help him, there's just not.  Things will just have to work themselves out.
  The main issue today is these stupid chest pains!  My morning started off bright and early with them at 5:45 and they've come and gone all day.  I know there's stress in my life, in fact I half expected my chest to start hurting lastnight.  Perhaps that's the problem.  It was a self-fulfilling prophecy: I expected the pains and therefore they came. 
  My husband is on a business trip and I don't have much patience for the kids.  Naturally when I really feel like I need a break it's not a possibility (at least not for a day or two).  Did I mention my chest hurts?
  It stinks to feel so down today.  I was kind of liking the school schedule.  I'm forced to get up early and get ready (my husband requested that I not take A to school in my PJs.  I figure since I don't have to get out of the van, who'd know?  But I'll do my best to honor his wishes ;)  I can come home and get going--but then yesterday hit.  The week consisted of one dissapointment after another, and yesterday I suppose I had heard enough. 
  Naturally another thing that helped this evening feel so unaccomplished was that I forgot to refill my anti-depressant and I get to go a night without it.  Not a big deal, but it still adds up in the "inadequate" column of the day.
  I'm going to go watch some Gilmore Girls and practice crocheting some more.  Hopefully that will help the anxiety levels go down a bit.
  Here's to hoping tomorrow's better!