My Kids' Happiness...

  Apparently today is your lucky day!  It's a two-post-in-one-day, kind of day. Yay!

  I would guess that most parents of spoiled kids don't think of them as being spoiled.  If they do, they think it's cute.  A comment like "oh, he's just so spoiled" is followed by a chuckle and a grin.
  I'm sure there are those who are a bit more realistic.  Unfortunately, a lot of the time it seems as though they're resigned to the *fact* that that's just how their child is going to be.  You may hear a comment made in frustration like "he's so spoiled, but there's nothing we can do about it now!"

  Of course, there are different kinds of spoiled. There are the kids who have every possession they ask for.  There are the kids who get every waking moment of their parents' time.  There are the kids who's parents do everything for them.  But no spoiled kid is fun to be around.

  I just realized as I wrote my post earlier today that I've been spoiling my kids by doing everything for them (or at least doing more for them than I should).  This is quite a disservice to them.  It ultimately robs them of having the chance become independent.

  I will tell anyone who will listen that neither of my kids is mellow.  I totally recognize it's a personality trait that will some day be an asset to them--IF The Hubby and I capitalize on its positive aspects now.
  I find it's easy (especially on days when I'm emotionally down) to just do something myself rather  than "fight" my kids over it.  Almost every request I make of Bug and A is met with resistance (partly, I'm sure, because I've inadvertently trained them that it works).  I get so tired of hearing them whine about picking up their toys, or clearing the table, or putting their dirty clothes in the laundry, that I'd just rather do it myself.

  The other trap I fall into?

  Picture this:
  Bug and A have been playing together and getting along For An Hour.
  Anyone who knows my kids knows that they spend more of their time together bickering than getting along (at least that's how it feels to me).
  What parent wants to interrupt something that seems so rare?  Really, who wants to interrupt kids playing happily?  In my house that's something that falls into the "let sleeping babies lie" category of wisdom.  What's more--who wants to interrupt a moment of peace in order to introduce basically guaranteed chaos (enter: the whining of not wanting to pick up/do whatever is asked)?
  Not this momma!
  There are also the times that the kids are outside, happily entertaining themselves by exploring and playing .   Who wants to interrupt that?
  Not me.
  Or there are the times when A and Bug are each playing their own thing, but they're quiet, happy, and letting me be productive.  Who wants to mess up that peace?
  You guessed it: I don't.

  Here's where a comment my bestie made the other day comes in to play.  "It's not our job as parents to keep our kids happy all of the time."
  Eh?  Come again?
  I didn't realize what I was doing, but I have been totally guilty of adopting the idea that A and Bug need to be happy all the time.  I don't feel that my kids are generally happy, so when I see them being happy, I hate to ruin it.
  However, my bigger motive seems to be purely selfish.
  I don't want to be told "no."
  I don't want to give up the quiet atmosphere.
  I don't want to have to spend 30 minutes cleaning up something, redirecting the kids the entire time, when it would only have taken me 10 minutes to do it on my own.

  See a theme here (I highlighted it, in case ya missed it)?

  It's kind of an ugly one when you're in my shoes.

  So, while it is a fight and it can be exhausting, I realize that I've got to push through all of that in order to help my kids grown into adults whom other people want to be around.  Adults who have good work ethic.  Adults who have respect for possessions.  Adults who have respect for superiors in the work force.

  And, while I feel that I have a pretty good perspective on this (in that about 97% of the time my requests are met with loud resistance), there are those times when A voluntarily cleans up her mess and Bug's mess.  Or when I make a request and it's met with a slightly reluctant "ok."

  So, I'm going to try hard to work on this.  My patience will be tested.  There will be days when my nerves are shot.
  BUT there will also be days when the house is tidier.  Days when the kids realize they are going to be accountable for what they do/don't do.  Days when my requests will be met with a simple "yes ma'am."

  For now, I'll keep my sights set on those days.

  ~Alexis

Positivity!

  I know how blessed I am to have my husband in my life, but every once in a while a moment will come along that makes my heart smile and I think to myself "that's the man I married!"

  Yesterday the Hubby had the lesson at Church and he spoke about thankfulness.  One of the points he brought out made me think about my blog post a few posts back.

  The Hubby was talking about the children of Israel complaining, even though God always provided for them.  The began to lose perspective until they actually wished they were slaves again just so they could eat different food!

  How ridiculous does that sound?  

  Then I thought about my post and how I talked about how simple life seemed 10 years ago.

  Talk about putting things into perspective!

  As I mentioned, I have been doing a lot over the past 5 years to improve my emotional health.  Something that 10 years ago was very unstable.

  I've been able to recognize my growth over the years.  There are times I  lose perspective and question what I'm really doing.  But I've been able to bounce back to reality more and more quickly over the years.

  Now I'm even able to see positive change in my journal entries.  Instead of seeming to be hopeless, a bit lost, and pessimistic, they now have hope, direction, and show an underlying optimist!

  The funny thing about me looking back on my past and being tempted to think "man, life was easier when I was [enter age here]" is that my life has never been easy.  This isn't a pity party, and I'm not saying my life was miserable.  I am saying that every age I can think of was met with some challenge at some point.

  Now that I'm adult, the focus of those challenges has shifted from being about me to being about my kids and my family.

  So the positive take away?  This time it's very simple:  I'm becoming an even more well-adjusted adult than I could ever have imagined.  Yay!

  ~Alexis

Empowering A

 We have added dairy/casein back into A's diet to see how it affects her now.  I geared up for the worst and even saw my doctor about an anxiety med for me.
  The first few days she mentioned several physical ailments returning (tummy aches and being tired were the two big ones).  I was still preparing myself for a nightmarish couple of weeks.
  Much to my surprise the first week went by and she handled herself very well!  There were a few times when I could tell she was over stimulated and she got upset, but she never had a big meltdown.
  I have been so very proud of her!  We've been off schedule and she and Bug spent a weekend with their Nonny and she has been amazing!

  Today I was able to give myself a pat on the back.

  Yesterday morning while we brushing her hair she started to meltdown, but she was able to stop herself.  She looked at me and calmly said "Mommy, can I push you over?"
  Let me insert this: that's a game we play where I crouch down and we put our palms together and she pushes against me...eventually I let her push me over and we give each other a big bear hug.  This helps give her a decent amount of proprioceptive input and helps her system to sort of reset so she's not so overloaded.
  Wow!  She asked?  Calmly?  At 5:45 in the morning?
  So she pushed me over and was fantastic after that!  As we walked to the bus stop I asked her how her morning was.  She gave it 2 thumbs up.  She said she decided she needed to push me over so she could calm down.
  Seriously, who is this kid?

  This evening after dinner she ran in and jumped on the trampoline and as she was jumping she told me her tummy hurt so she thought she'd try the trampoline.  She also said that if the trampoline didn't work that she'd try pushing me over.
  This problem solving and coming up with Her Own solution (not to mention thinking through several ideas vs. just one!) is amazing for me to see.
  When I see her doing something thoughtful for someone else (which is becoming a common occurrence instead of something she is coached through from time to time ), finding her own solutions to problems, and coaching herself through a moment of sensory overload makes my heart swell with pride for her!
  I also realize that I am doing a stinkin' good job at this parenting gig!  I may not be perfect, but I am trying.  I am doing what I think is best for my kiddos.  I am succeeding.  And my kids are thriving!
  That makes this momma happy!

  ~Alexis