My Kids' Happiness...

  Apparently today is your lucky day!  It's a two-post-in-one-day, kind of day. Yay!

  I would guess that most parents of spoiled kids don't think of them as being spoiled.  If they do, they think it's cute.  A comment like "oh, he's just so spoiled" is followed by a chuckle and a grin.
  I'm sure there are those who are a bit more realistic.  Unfortunately, a lot of the time it seems as though they're resigned to the *fact* that that's just how their child is going to be.  You may hear a comment made in frustration like "he's so spoiled, but there's nothing we can do about it now!"

  Of course, there are different kinds of spoiled. There are the kids who have every possession they ask for.  There are the kids who get every waking moment of their parents' time.  There are the kids who's parents do everything for them.  But no spoiled kid is fun to be around.

  I just realized as I wrote my post earlier today that I've been spoiling my kids by doing everything for them (or at least doing more for them than I should).  This is quite a disservice to them.  It ultimately robs them of having the chance become independent.

  I will tell anyone who will listen that neither of my kids is mellow.  I totally recognize it's a personality trait that will some day be an asset to them--IF The Hubby and I capitalize on its positive aspects now.
  I find it's easy (especially on days when I'm emotionally down) to just do something myself rather  than "fight" my kids over it.  Almost every request I make of Bug and A is met with resistance (partly, I'm sure, because I've inadvertently trained them that it works).  I get so tired of hearing them whine about picking up their toys, or clearing the table, or putting their dirty clothes in the laundry, that I'd just rather do it myself.

  The other trap I fall into?

  Picture this:
  Bug and A have been playing together and getting along For An Hour.
  Anyone who knows my kids knows that they spend more of their time together bickering than getting along (at least that's how it feels to me).
  What parent wants to interrupt something that seems so rare?  Really, who wants to interrupt kids playing happily?  In my house that's something that falls into the "let sleeping babies lie" category of wisdom.  What's more--who wants to interrupt a moment of peace in order to introduce basically guaranteed chaos (enter: the whining of not wanting to pick up/do whatever is asked)?
  Not this momma!
  There are also the times that the kids are outside, happily entertaining themselves by exploring and playing .   Who wants to interrupt that?
  Not me.
  Or there are the times when A and Bug are each playing their own thing, but they're quiet, happy, and letting me be productive.  Who wants to mess up that peace?
  You guessed it: I don't.

  Here's where a comment my bestie made the other day comes in to play.  "It's not our job as parents to keep our kids happy all of the time."
  Eh?  Come again?
  I didn't realize what I was doing, but I have been totally guilty of adopting the idea that A and Bug need to be happy all the time.  I don't feel that my kids are generally happy, so when I see them being happy, I hate to ruin it.
  However, my bigger motive seems to be purely selfish.
  I don't want to be told "no."
  I don't want to give up the quiet atmosphere.
  I don't want to have to spend 30 minutes cleaning up something, redirecting the kids the entire time, when it would only have taken me 10 minutes to do it on my own.

  See a theme here (I highlighted it, in case ya missed it)?

  It's kind of an ugly one when you're in my shoes.

  So, while it is a fight and it can be exhausting, I realize that I've got to push through all of that in order to help my kids grown into adults whom other people want to be around.  Adults who have good work ethic.  Adults who have respect for possessions.  Adults who have respect for superiors in the work force.

  And, while I feel that I have a pretty good perspective on this (in that about 97% of the time my requests are met with loud resistance), there are those times when A voluntarily cleans up her mess and Bug's mess.  Or when I make a request and it's met with a slightly reluctant "ok."

  So, I'm going to try hard to work on this.  My patience will be tested.  There will be days when my nerves are shot.
  BUT there will also be days when the house is tidier.  Days when the kids realize they are going to be accountable for what they do/don't do.  Days when my requests will be met with a simple "yes ma'am."

  For now, I'll keep my sights set on those days.

  ~Alexis

Freak-out, over!

  All right so the next step since coming to the realization that I have anxiety was accepting it.  I successfully spent the weekend in some ridiculous stupor.  I wasn't able to focus, I slept poorly and I got agitated over things that are out of my control.
  Today is Sunday and I've decided that I'm done with that phase of anxiety.  I gave in completely for two or three days and it stunk.  My solution: regroup.  That's what I'm going to be doing over the next few days.
  Unfortunately this weekend was one of little sleep for my highly emotional kids and there were many power struggles to be had.  As we drove home I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically.  So, tonight I am allowing myself some much needed "me" time.  I am not stressing over chores (and let me tell you the house is a mess.  Laundry is starting to take over the laundry room, things need to be picked up and put back where they belong, the fridge is in desperate need of being cleaned out, I need to vacuum, dust, clean the bathrooms, sweep and mop).  Instead, when I get home I am going to chill.  I am going to enjoy some time w/ my husband and perhaps read a good book.
  Tomorrow I will create a plan of action.  This would be one of those instances where I have to make an effort to sit down and make sure I keep things balanced.
  Balance...what a tricky concept.
  How does one balance religion, family, house work, mental health and friendships?  I'll let you know when I have a good system going!
  As of now, I tend to take things one day at a time (hence the name of the blog) and I rely heavily on my best friend and husband to help me find the proper prospective on things.
  Right now I'm letting go.  Sounds so simple, right?  Of course it does, some of the most difficult things that have to be done in life sound simple.
  I'm letting go of things that I can't control.  There is a particular situation that I have tried and tried to fix and from my perspective the other person has not put forth any effort.  I'm done for now.  I'm done dwelling on it and making assumptions regarding motives.  I'm done trying to come up with different approaches.  I'm simply taking a break.  Eventually I will have to revisit the situation again.  It will be unavoidable because my feelings keep getting involved (and hurt), but hopefully the next time it needs to be addressed I will have a clearer head.
  Tomorrow the kids and I have a plan to spend some time with friends.  I will also focus on the chores that I have designated to Mondays and will not even acknowledge the other things that need to be done. 
  I'll let you know how that goes!

  ~Alexis

Yay for Today!

  Today had potential to be horrible.
  Thankfully it wasn't!
  I got to go to my coupon club, finally got rid of a nasty headache, had minimal power struggles with my kiddos, actually enjoyed time with my mom, got to play tennis during some kid-free time with a great friend and then even had a great chat over some coffee.
  One thing that made today so great was the time with my mom.  She and I certainly don't have a great relationship--sometimes it's hardly even a relationship at all.
  Today, however, she and the kids enjoyed some time together and I was able to finish up a few chores while they played.  Then we all had a good lunch and then she and I were able to spend some time catching up.
  It was a surprisingly balanced visit.
 I used to keep busy with chores when she'd visit.  Before she moved closer to us and would come to stay, I did a lot more cooking.  It was just easier to spend time with her if I didn't have to give her my undivided attention.
  Today, though, I even asked how her doctor appointment went last week.  A huge part of me didn't want to ask--not because I don't care, but because I don't know what I can believe.
  She recently spent some time in the hospital and told me the doctor advised her to apply for hospice because she only had 6 months to live.  I took that story with a grain of salt and later found out that, yes, her heart has been weakened by her lifestyle, but that she is in decent health all things considered.
  SO, back to her appointment last week.  He doctor told her things weren't as dire as she thought, and really that she's ok. 
  I was impressed she'd even tell me that.  That story doesn't attract the attention that the hospice story did--but she was honest and that was great. 

  I was even able to finish the day with a step towards my goal of exercising several times a week!  I'd say today was a success.  Now let's see what tomorrow brings...

  ~Alexis