My family seems to be getting a head start on the whole "winter is the season to be sick" mentality and so we've started in late August/early September.
Over the last six weeks, I have noticed that while the maternal instinct in me wants to cuddle A and pull her onto my lap when she says "I don't feel good," I can't do that. Not with A. We, as mothers, can easily fall into the trap of thinking that we are a bad mother if we don't pay attention to our child's every ache and pain.
For a lot of parents, that's an ok approach. Unfortunately when it comes to me and A, I can't afford a reaction like that.
Let me explain: A comes to me multiple times a day with various complaints from tummy aches (could be anxiety, could be gas, could be a stomach bug), to her eyes not working right (she saw an eye doctor last year--her vision is perfect), to bumping her toe on something and now not being able to walk right, to miscellaneous scrapes/bumps/bruises.
Don't get me wrong. I don't brush her off. I know that won't send the right message. I do, however, have to make sure that my reaction is a good balance of loving concern and confidence in knowing she'll be ok. I acknowledge her discomfort and offer an appropriate low-intervention (read: not medication) solution (usually ice or rest), and go on.
Not only have I had practice in tough love w/ A lately, but with my mom, too. Life hasn't been easy for the past month, and one of the issues has involved Mom's health.
I have come to the hard realization that I don't actually know how to love my own mother (another post for another time). As a child I was shown conditional love.
Over the past month people who know my history have been saying "hey, you've gone above and beyond the past few weeks for your mom," while the child in me says, "she's your mom" and encourages me to say yes to things I shouldn't agree to.
I've had to set some hard boundaries that seem cold to others. I've had to stop being concerned with what other people might think of my choices, and draw the line. I've come to realize that this is in the best interest of everyone involved (me, A, Bug, The Hubby, and Mom).
The best way I can show my mother deep, unconditional love is to set boundaries and let her figure some things out on her own. Enabling her to be dependent on others isn't helping anyone.
Whew.
Positive take away: I'm doing what's best for everyone involved...even if it is hard.
Over the last six weeks, I have noticed that while the maternal instinct in me wants to cuddle A and pull her onto my lap when she says "I don't feel good," I can't do that. Not with A. We, as mothers, can easily fall into the trap of thinking that we are a bad mother if we don't pay attention to our child's every ache and pain.
For a lot of parents, that's an ok approach. Unfortunately when it comes to me and A, I can't afford a reaction like that.
Let me explain: A comes to me multiple times a day with various complaints from tummy aches (could be anxiety, could be gas, could be a stomach bug), to her eyes not working right (she saw an eye doctor last year--her vision is perfect), to bumping her toe on something and now not being able to walk right, to miscellaneous scrapes/bumps/bruises.
Don't get me wrong. I don't brush her off. I know that won't send the right message. I do, however, have to make sure that my reaction is a good balance of loving concern and confidence in knowing she'll be ok. I acknowledge her discomfort and offer an appropriate low-intervention (read: not medication) solution (usually ice or rest), and go on.
Not only have I had practice in tough love w/ A lately, but with my mom, too. Life hasn't been easy for the past month, and one of the issues has involved Mom's health.
I have come to the hard realization that I don't actually know how to love my own mother (another post for another time). As a child I was shown conditional love.
Over the past month people who know my history have been saying "hey, you've gone above and beyond the past few weeks for your mom," while the child in me says, "she's your mom" and encourages me to say yes to things I shouldn't agree to.
I've had to set some hard boundaries that seem cold to others. I've had to stop being concerned with what other people might think of my choices, and draw the line. I've come to realize that this is in the best interest of everyone involved (me, A, Bug, The Hubby, and Mom).
The best way I can show my mother deep, unconditional love is to set boundaries and let her figure some things out on her own. Enabling her to be dependent on others isn't helping anyone.
Whew.
Positive take away: I'm doing what's best for everyone involved...even if it is hard.
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