We've been struggling with A's SPD again. It's gotten pretty severe. There are foods she's cut out of her diet (which was pretty limited before), clothes she used to wear but won't anymore, we're having problems with her socks and shoes again, she's becoming less and less independent.
So I started searching for answers. Again. About this time last year I read "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" and it struck a nerve. It was then that I realized that transitions were a Huge trigger for A. From there, around the first of the year I stumbled upon Sensory Processing Disorder and things fell into place. A's life made sense now that I had this understanding of what she seemed to be experiencing.
Now I'm looking seriously into food sensitivities and how they may be affecting A's behaviors.
Whew, it's hard for me to look at the casein-free diet and not start to panic! My grocery budget is small. Specialty foods are expensive. What will be left for A to eat? And there are loads of other concerns, questions, etc.
There are many times when I think A would have been better off with other parents. Me, really? The queen of disorganization? The antithesis of structure? Yeah, ok--A and I make a great team [please read that with heavy sarcasm].
However, I have been reminded over the past few days that God really knows what He's doing.
I also had a bit of insight as to why he may have given me A (or given her me).
You see, some people can understand things with one explanation. For others the learning curve is a bit longer. Others still, have to be beaten over the head repeatedly before some things really sink in.
I'm pretty sure that the majority of the time I fall into the latter category.
In this case I'm thinking I've been blessed with A in order to force me to see that I am not a selfish person. I have accepted structure and rigid routine in order to make my daughter's life better. Even though the idea of doing a casein-free diet for A makes my stomach twist into knots, I'm still going to give it my all in order to see if it will help A.
My actions are not motivated by selfishness, but by a deep love for another human being. And that feels good.
So when I start to get down about all the changes I've had to make in my life and start to think "Really? I 'get' to make even more changes after all I've already done?!" I can remind myself that God would not have blessed me with the beautiful daughter that I have if I couldn't handle her and make her life better! I can also look at my daughter and have a constant reminder that I am not a selfish person, no matter what anyone says.